I was quite amused by Eli Grober’s piece in the New Yorker, where he rewrote the opening sentences of iconic novels to make them reflect the insanity of our pandemic times. Here are a few choice examples :

“A Tale of Two Cities,” by Charles Dickens

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. But, mostly, it was the worst of times. In fact, not once had it felt like the best of times.”

“To Kill a Mockingbird,” by Harper Lee

“When he was nearly thirteen, my brother Jem got his arm badly broken at the elbow. And since we were remote-learning, he had to sign his own cast.”

“Moby-Dick,” by Herman Melville

“Call me Ishmael327. I am a Twitter bot, trolling your election.”

“Gravity’s Rainbow,” by Thomas Pynchon

“A screaming comes across the sky. It is me. I am screaming. It feels good to scream.”

You can read all of them: “Opening Lines Rewritten for a Pandemic” (The New Yorker)