The pitch-perfect SNL commercial (below) featuring Kate McKinnon & Billie Eilish advertises the ubiquitous, bland, budget hotel that can be found all across North America. I’ve stayed in way too many over the years.

Our rooms provide every comfort required by law: tiny soap in plastic, phone that blinks, Band-Aid-colored blanket, chair for suitcase, black & white photo of Ferris wheel, blow dryer that goes oooooooh, short glass wearing little hat, and small stain in place you have to touch.

And be sure to enjoy our hot tub; it’s always occupied by an eight-year-old boy in goggles staring at your breasts. He’s been in there for hours and he’s not getting out until you do.

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